Key words: Feedback, answers to reader's questions, information, assistance, Ron Kurtus, School for Champions. Copyright © Restrictions
by Ron Kurtus
Each day readers send in questions and feedback concerning the various lessons in the School for Champions website. A total of 16 letters have been answered.
|Corrected error||Job Value||Nigeria|
|Platinum Rule as a business core value||Platinum Rule||Nigeria|
|How can I get praise from people?||General||India|
|I want to be able to correct people's errors||Listen to You||USA|
|What motivates people to spend their money to get elected?||Motivation||Gambia|
|Why are some motivated by strange ends?||Motivation||Ghana|
|Sometimes feel like suicide||Relationships||USA|
|Feel down on myself||Relationships||USA|
|School teacher lacks confidence with others||Motivation||london, uk|
|Wants to motivate through advertising||Motivation||SOUTH AFRICA|
|Wants a picture to motivate||Motivating Others||SOUTH AFRICA|
|Organizing a basketball team||Job Value||SOUTH AFRICA|
|How do you motivate kids?||Listen||SOUTH AFRICA|
|Others never seem to reciprocate||Being Special|
|Feeling judged by others||General||Sweden|
April 4, 2011
There is a slight error on your first paragraph that states; "that others" instead of "than others".
Okoruwa - Nigeria (21435)
Thank you for letting me know about the error. I made the correction.
You have proven yourself to be a valuable person.
Platinum Rule as a business core value
September 13, 2010
Is the platinum rule relevant as a business core value?
Koleoso - Nigeria (20368)
In business, the Golden Rule would be to provide your customers the type of goods and services that you would like to receive. However, they may not like what you like.
Thus, the Platinum Rule states that you should provide your customers what they want.
This is the same core value that is used in TQM. It is to seek to satisfy your customer's expectations.
How can I get praise from people?
May 2, 2009
If I am not able to talk with others how can i get praise from them.
Waiting for your suggestion.
kranthi - India (17686)
You need to do the very best you can in the work that you do. The problem doing good work is a great reward. Getting praise for things done in your job is enjoyable, but it is a rare reward.
If you don't personally interfaced with people, you can write up summary of your achievements. Certainly your supervisor knows what you do and receives feedback from others about the work that you do. A good boss will praise his workers, but many of them don't.
How often do you praise other people? Getting praise must be a two-way street. If you praise and congratulate others on the good job that they did, sooner or later they will reciprocate and praise you too.
I want to be able to correct people's errors
December 27, 2007
How can you help me to have good speaking skills?
I would like to be able to speak honestly in correcting people's errors.
Thank you for having this web site and for allowing me to send this e-mail.
Ivanhoe - USA (15029)
You can get ideas of how to improve your speaking skills in our section on Public Speaking at: http://www.school-for-champions.com/speaking.htm
But you must be very careful in correcting errors of other people. Most people do not appreciate someone correcting them. They assume the other person is simply trying to appear superior.
The best way to correct someone is to first ask permission. Even then, it must be done sparingly, and you must know that the person will not take offense to the correction.
What motivates people to spend their money to get elected?
December 1, 2007
I want to know WHAT MOTIVATES INDIVIDUALS TO SEEK PUBLIC OFFICE EVEN IN CASES WHERE THEY HAVE TO SPEND LARGE SUM OE MONEY FROM THEIR OWN PERSONNEL ASSECTS TO GET ELECTED TO POWER
Lamin - Gambia (14888)
People seek political office for various reasons. One reason is because they want to lead in improving society. Others may get into politics for the prestige of becoming a person who can influence policy. Still others due it for the feeling of power. And finally, there are people who seek public office, because they see it as a way to gain wealth through their influence.
Some wealthy people can spend much of their own money to become elected to a public office. One reason is that they may be bored with their lives and becoming an elected official could give them the challenge and meaning in life. Or it may be a way to gain prestige and honor that they can't get simply be being rich. There are others that feel investing their money in getting elected will allow them to make even more money and be even more powerful than they already are.
Why are some motivated by strange ends?
September 4, 2006
What explain the mystery behind certain individuals who are motivated by strange ends or rewards?
Jonathan - Ghana (11838)
Although a person may seem to be motivated by some reward or outcome, in reality they have a vague idea that using the reward or outcome will bring them pleasure.
For example, a person may be motivated to work hard to purchase a strange looking hat. Why would he waste his time for that? Well, he may think that wearing such a hat will get others to notice him and make him feel important. So, it is what comes from the use that is the true driving force.
Sometimes feel like suicide
September 22, 2005
why is it when i "feel" that the relationship that i am in, whichever and or whenever it occurs, is in trouble of falling apart that i jump right into wanting to commit suicide? would that be like the same as low self-esteem or no confidence? and if it's like no confidence then isn't expected to have low or no confidence when you have the feelings that your relationship is falling apart?
lord i hope i am making sense with asking these questions because i really do need an answer and some help and when i ask this question people want to suggest going to see a doctor and they immediatly want to suggest drugs and im tired of them. i mean the drugs, they all have bad side effects that change your personality and thats not want im looking to do.
i would rather have a good person to talk this out with even though i know it would be extremely hard for that person to put up with. is this understandable?
anyway if you can answer this then thank you.
Bill - USA (8448)
Any time a relationship starts to fall apart, it can be a blow to your ego and feeling of worth. The only time that doesn't happen is if you get sick of the other person.
It sounds like you get too tied up in your relationships. Perhaps you get too dependent on having a "perfect" relationship. You might back off from having a relationship and look for simply having some companionship. Like, you ask someone out for some conversation and good company. Or even some romance. You don't need to be establishing a relationship--which implies something long-term--until you really find you have rapport with the person.
One good way of dealing with disagreements and problems in a relationship or even a friendship it to look at it as some miscommunication. Say that perhaps you misunderstood something or that you were unclear in communicating what you felt or meant. That often can help to settle things.
Committing suicide is often an easy way out to avoid dealing with a problem. Threats of it is also a way to try to get attention and sympathy. Letting the other person know you feel that way is the sure way to ruin a relationship.
Take stock of all the blessings you have and all the positive things in your life. Be grateful for them. So then don't try to throw them away by some foolish--and selfish--act.
I feel that the anti-depressant medication and other drugs should be a last resort. Before you have to turn to that, try to clean up the garbage that has clogged up your life so far, and that includes the toxic people who criticize you. Then start with a clean slate and be a new person. Be positive to yourself and to others. Realize that no one is perfect and that everyone has their good and bad days. Move forward with your life and the people you know.
Best wishes in moving in the right direction.
Feel down on myself
September 20, 2005
My problem is lack of confidence in life, work, relationship, and even with in myself. I feel that I am no good for a person in general. I do know that I help others and such, but as a person as a whole I feel that I am failure. And I also know that alot of that feeling comes from my childhood. But I can not seem to kick the bad thoughts out of my head, and it gets so obvious to others when I have been rejected in one way or another that they just can not stand to be around me. Even my current relationship feels the strain.
And to be very honest I doubt myself so much at times I do not want to be alive anymore. I constantly feel like I can not succeed in any thing life has to offer.
Bill - USA (8449)
It sounds like you had received a lot of negative feedback from others over the years to get you into this state. Also, you may have some unrealistic expectations.
What you need to do is to take a step back and look at your life. Then make some changes that will get you on the right track.
One thing is to avoid toxic people who will put you down. If it is family members, tell them you won't visit if they continue to be critical of you. But also, you need to react positively when people praise you. Don't ignore praise. Say "Thank you" and appreciate it, even if you don't think you deserve it.
Make a list of everything you have ever achieved, as well as good things you have done. This shows that you have a lot to offer and can accomplish things. It also shows your value to others. Keep adding to that list as thoughts come up. Acknowledge your positive points.
Also list things you like to do and enjoy. This can also be a wish list of things you would like to achieve in your live.
If you want, make another list all your bad and negative attributes. List all the times people have rejected you and done bad things to you. Then take that paper and set it on fire. Burn it. It is gone. It is in the past. You are starting new and fresh.
Get into the habit of praising yourself for things you do. Say, "Good job, Bill." This acknowledgement builds up your confidence and esteem. If you goof up, take it as a lesson to be learned and state a corrective action. "Next time, I'll be more caring to her."
It is a slow process, but getting into the habit of giving yourself positive feedback and encouragement will soon help to overcome all the years of negative feedback.
As far as rejection goes, think of yourself as a door-to-door salesman. Rejection isn't personal. They just weren't ready for what you have to offer. Then move on to the next potential customer.
I hope these ideas help. It is a tough job to overcome negative attitudes, but it is well worth the effort involved.
School teacher lacks confidence with others
February 8, 2005
i read your article with interest. i have a small problem - i am a teacher - at school - in a classroom i am very confident - (i teach adults) - at school i am pretty confident - but outside place of work i have no confidence - especially when i meet people or try to form a relationship - i always think and feel intimidated and feel people are better than me - i feel i do not deserve to have a relationship, for example with a lawyer or artist or people whom i consider 'better than me'
i have tried to read books to build my confidence with in vain.
please advise me
- london, uk (5902)
Being a teacher means you are educated and should be respected for your achievements. You must convince yourself that you are worthy of that respect. This is your self-esteem.
A big problem in the UK for a minority or person from another country is that some British people feel and act as if they are superior. They act that way even to visitors from the U.S. This can be discouraging and make a person lose confidence in dealing with people.
Also, there are some professions where people feel they are superior to other professions. Doctors and lawyers are good examples of this.
What you need to do is to build up your own identity and sense of worth. Write down all the good things you do and the accomplishments you have achieved since graduating from school. Look at all the adults you have helped to educate. Make a list and realize that you have been a champion in what you have done.
Now when you interact with other people, you have something you can tell about in which you are proud. But also when you interact, consider yourself an equal. Even if you met the Queen, you would be gracious and respectful, but you also can present yourself as a person who is of value to the country.
Another thing in dealing with people is to realize that those who may try to act better than you usually have many self-doubts. By knowing who you are, you can find people who are interested in you and appreciate your profession. Those are the people you want to have for friends or relationships.
Start by making that list of your accomplishments and activities. Looking at it will make you realize that you have a lot to offer.
I hope these ideas help. Best wishes in your efforts, and let me know how things turn out.
Wants to motivate through advertising
June 11, 2004
how can i motivate people of all age through advert in order for them to come on my basketball clinic/club.
Adam - SOUTH AFRICA (3527)
Advertising is making people aware. Ads in the paper and posters in schools and sports clubs will let people know. If you can get a good, known player to help out, that is a good way to motivate others.
Wants a picture to motivate
June 11, 2004
IF IS IN BASKETBALL WHAT KIND OF BASKETBALL PICTURE ANDD HOW IT HAVE TOLOOK
Adam - SOUTH AFRICA (3528)
If you want to motivate people to play basketball or if you want to motivate companies to sponsor it, a picture of some people or youngsters having fun playing basketball is appealing.
Organizing a basketball team
June 11, 2004
WHAT CAN I DO BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN IN STUATION LIKE THAT IN MANY TIME AND AT THE MOMENT I AM ORGANIZING MY OWN BASKETALL TEAM AND GET SPONSORSHIP
Adam - SOUTH AFRICA (3529)
In getting sponsorship, you want to show it is valuable to the company. Certainly, advertising the company as a sponsor is to their benefit. Also, appealing to their desire to promote athletics can be valuable to a company.
If you can find top people in a company who love basketball, it will really help.
Best wishes in your project.
How do you motivate kids?
June 11, 2004
IF I RUNN BASKETBALL CLINIC WHAT CAN I SAY TO THE KIDS OR STUDENT AT THE FIRST PLACE OR DO YOU THINK IS BEST TO MOTIVATE THEM.
Adam - SOUTH AFRICA (3530)
If they are there, they are already motivated.
The students want to become better and increase their skills. If the teacher is a good player, they will want to become as good as him one day. You can promise they will improve their skills.
But also, the kids want to have fun playing.
Others never seem to reciprocate
February 6, 2004
All my life I have always been first to recognize somebody else, to always thank others and encourage them. I always make everybody feel special.
I have also observed, however, that I don't get the same in return.
Is it because I make myself so available, am always considerate? Is it because I am being taken for granted?
Many people do not recognize others right away, thank or give encouragement. It could be shyness, being self-centered, lack of character, how they were brought up or some other reason. Needless to say, it can be very discouraging when you do something special and never get the same in return.
Once I had a conversation with a fellow I just met. For 45 minutes he told me all about himself and his life story, while I seemed very interested. The next day I saw him again and said "Hi." He said, "Do I know you?" Although that irritated me, I also realized that one of us had more character than the other.
You have to realize that YOU are the special person. If you are the one who performs positive acts and encourages others, then you are the leader and the champion. Some may appreciate what you do and not show it, and some may resent you for being so positive. But you are determining the type of person you are.
If you do run into someone who gives you encouragement, don't let that person go. Such people are rare and valuable.
Feeling judged by others
January 1, 2004
Lately(I would say the last 2 years), with different people, I in some way feel judged or not taken seriously. This makes me feel frustrated. Sometimes it feels like I wanna ask the person:"Hey, what's your problem!?"As I said, it does'nt concern all people.
It also seems as those hated "quite sessions" comes around more often then before. I used to be able to handle them pretty good. I'm not sure if people sees this feeling in me. probably not, cause I'm actually good communicator, I don't have a problem with the social life.
So, what is my problem? Why do I feel this way?
Would appreciate an answer!
Linus - Sweden (1774)
Often people judge another by the impression the person makes. That could be how the person looks, dresses, sounds, or what he says. Take a look at the page at:
Sometimes another person may act poorly to you if they are jealous and trying to put you down. But if it happens too often, you have to take a good look at yourself and what you are doing to cause this reaction in some people. Ask yourself if you talking too much or trying to impress others. If someone sees you trying to impress, they may think less of you.
Finally, if you act confident (not boastful), then others will think you are sure of yourself.
I hope some of these ideas help. I don't know enough of the situation to really give solid advice.
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